Behind the curve…

16 01 2010

…or maybe not. 

I’m surely not the only woman to start blogging – I’ve gotten so much from the brilliant women already in the blogosphere, and it’s more than a little daunting to start putting my own thoughts out there.  I do find myself wondering if I’m the only one like me, though? 

I know.  We’re ALL unique.  I get it.

So: raised with Vietnam and the women’s movement, by a stay-at-home mother who then went on to become an industrial welder.  Spent my whole life in the church, and still got a degree in biology, including an understanding and appreciation of evolution.  I came through the sexual revolution, when really the only downside of sex was pregancy, because everything else could be treated with antibiotics. 

Then I married, and I had a child, and balance marriage, family, and career.  The balance constantly shifted as the child grew into an adolescent, and then again when he left high school and started college.  Nearly at the same time, the balance shifted in a way that nearly destroyed any hope of recovery, when my husband – the love of my life and the father of my child – died suddenly. 

What saved me… church, family, music, and spinning.  I had taken a class on spinning wool the weekend before my husband died, and in the weeks and months that followed, the spinning wheel became a refuge.  The rhythm, the pace, the ability to create when it seemed that everything was falling apart; I spun my grief into miles and miles of yarn.  Everyone finds a different way to cope.  Mine was wool. 

It’s over three years later.  I’m still spinning.  And now, it’s a question of figuring out who I am outside of all those roles of wife and mother.  Not that the second one ever ends – it just changes with time.  He’s older now.  He needs me in different ways.   I’m not partnered with anyone.  Sometimes I don’t think that I ever will be, and I’m okay with that.

So let’s see where this goes.  First entry should be the hardest, right?




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